Εδώ οι σημειώσεις του κλινικού ψυχολόγου και ψυχοθεραπευτή Χάρη Βασιλειάδη για το θέμα των Νάρκισσων:
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Blood is thicker than water
You know that I love you.
You have felt it, experienced it, you have seen it in my eyes that I love you, I am sure.
I know that you also love me, despite all the rough patches that we went through in our relationship. I understand that you were found in specific circumstances with specific pressures by the adults around you, and I understand that you were affected. I understand. I understand you.
I also understand that all this mess is in no way your fault.
You were found in the middle of a war that you haven’t chosen and you were traumatized.
I take full responsibility for my part in all this.
I was being a coward, many years ago and I didn’t make things right or healthy, before you were even born.
But I am so happy, elated, that you were born and I wouldn’t exchange this with anything. I would never wish to go back in time and change your coming to life.
You are valuable to me, my child. We have the same blood running in our veins. You are my son, my daughter, my child. I love you naturally. As nature commands and as I choose again and again, every time I think about you and I miss you dearly.
I miss you my son/daughter. I miss your laughter, your joy, your humor, watching you enjoying life, but I do hope that you continue to feel joy now that we are apart, because childhood is all about joy and careless times and not for worrying.
Don’t get your head confused with the problems of the adults. They are not your problems. Your father will always be your father, your mother will always be your mother. We are not a couple anymore, but this should not concern you. We broke up with your mother/father and with from you.
It’s a wrong tactic and unfair for you, to be placed in the middle and have to take sides. Because this is not your battle. And actually, if us, adults were mature, responsible and serious persons there would be no battle.
Because it happens in life for two people to become together, marry or have a relationship and then to divorce or break up. Not everybody divorces, don’t be afraid that if you choose to marry when you are an adult, that it will surely happen to you, but the statistics say that one in every two marriages ends up in divorce nowadays.
It didn’t happen only to me and your mother/father, it happens to so many couples. And there are couples that manage after their breakup or divorce to be civilized and mature, so that they do not burden their children with worries that do not belong to their children. Your father/mother and I, unfortunately were not able to make this. And you had to be in the middle. We made you be in the middle with the wrong choices we took and the right actions we failed to take.
It doesn’t matter who is more responsible and who is less. The important thing is that it is not good for you that you had to take the role of the defender of one or your parents.
I know that when you were texting me angrily, you were not alone. I know that when you were shouting at me and threatened that you will hurt me, you did not say that because you meant it. You were just repeating what you heard around you. I forgive you all this, but this doesn’t mean that it is for your benefit to be repeated. Our relationship started the day you were born and it will last for the rest of our lives. This small difficult part, I am sure that it will be forgotten in the future. Because I am sure that one day you will be able to see me as your parent and not as the ex of your mother/father.
Since at this point, we cannot meet freely, the child with the parent, and spend quality time together, since you state that you don’t want to meet with me, it is better that we stay apart. I do not wish to pressure you to do something that at this point, you don’t want to do. To protect you, and only to protect you, I do not insist to meet with you under these specific circumstances.
To protect you.
I love you and I want what’s best for you. And because of all this mess that we, adults created, it’s best for you to stay out of this war. This stupid unnecessary war that we adults shouldn’t have even started and we owe to finish it. Because it is not for anybody’s benefit this situation. We are all getting sad by it.
And I don’t wish that you get sad my child. I am your parent and my responsibility is to protect you from unnecessary worry. I take the responsibility to solve my own problems by myself and protect you from them. It is not the child’s responsibility to solve their parent’s problems. The parent owes to solve their own problems and let the child serene and carefree to live her own life.
You were not married with your mother/father, I was. I did not break up from you, but from your other parent. And it is my responsibility that I find myself in this position, I made my mistakes, not you. It’s not your fault. And there is nothing you can do to make things better.
Stay out of this stupid fight. Stay away. It might seem to you right now as matter of life and death, but in a few years this story will not be so important and you will grow up to understand that for a person to break up a marriage or a relationship that was not healthy is a basic human right, and breaking up from your spouse is not equal to breaking up from your children. You will understand this in the future. I am positive. When you grow up more. When you become independent, when you fall in love with response, you will see what it means “to be a couple with someone I love and loves me back”. You will get to see and know what are the real feelings that keep a couple together and that us, your parents broke up because we did not have those feelings. Now you cannot get it. And I don’t expect from you to get it.
I think about you, you are in my mind daily and I try my best to become a better person, so that I am a better parent for you.
And as of the unnecessary war that goes on right now with your other parent, I try my best to finish it as soon as possible. So that we all relax. And especially you.
I am so sorry that you were caught up in the middle of an unnecessary war.
For a couple to break up is not the end of the universe.
Blood is thicker than water. You are my son/daughter and no matter how many years go by until we are back together, no matter how difficult patches we went through or we will go through, this never changes. We have the same blood in our veins. Our relationship will be for all our lives. A divorce is not ending the relationship of a child with their parent. You will see.
You don’t have to answer to this letter.
You don’t have to take sides in this war again.
Stay away from this unnecessary fight and I write to you again:
Blood is thicker than water.
I will always be your parent.
And loving me doesn’t mean that you don’t love your other parent. Your other parent has also the same blood with you. You can love us both, like we both love you, even though we broke up.
I apologize to you sincerely for what you had to go through. This stupid unnecessary war for something as natural as a breakup/divorce. We, adults had to face it by ourselves. Each of us take care of their own responsibility and let you out of it.
You have no responsibility whatsoever to solve my problems or your other parent’s problems. Live your life and we will meet again.
Blood is thicker than water
I love you